Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
