we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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