they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm at about main and main street
Alive.
So much puke
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
