I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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