Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
