do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
