So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
And then my night got REAL pukey
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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