Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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