I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
