i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
