She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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