New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
