Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
