I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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