was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
