I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
