What did we do last night that was yellow?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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