I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
