I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
