Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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