You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
