Nicole vs. Life
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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