It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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