can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Can you repeat that, but with context?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
