Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
