Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I need water and some morals
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
