...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
