I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
