Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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