i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
