Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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