If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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