I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
