Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
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Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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