if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
