His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize
