you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
