we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
