I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
