Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
