worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
