how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
