White coat. Heels.
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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