oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Randomize
