I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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