Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
