census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
