Pants 0. Shit 1.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
