I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
