there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
