I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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