he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
