I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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