We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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