8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
