just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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