I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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