She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
