Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
