Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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