pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
