Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
