I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
