Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
