i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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