The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
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