he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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