Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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