Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
