I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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