can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
