You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
