Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
