every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
