My sheets look like a crime scene.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
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You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
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Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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