I can tuck mytits in my pants
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
