ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize