Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
