you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
