I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
