And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
