Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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