I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
