You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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