He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
